I have packed up my place, now room so many times in my head when things were dark and grey. But today when I have started this act tangible, it is overwhelming. Not for the idea that I am packing it up with Oregon as my outcome but instead of all the shit I have. I live in a 10x15 room for god sake! I wonder what I need for the next three months, what I can live without and what I might want to wear. It is all ridiculous considering I just survived ten days with a backpack. I wonder how I am going to get all this stuff back and wished I lived closer so I could just jump on a plane and go back and forth. I can't, I need to stay here and make money. I am ready to fill in shifts and get my head above water. I am in complete survival mode now, surviving my roommate, we have resolved to talk via email and that is fine by me. Surviving financially and emotionally. I long to be home and to be able to meet some one for a movie. My friends here have other things going on, as I am one to talk with just now getting back into town after three weeks.
I knew that my decision was correct when returning from Vietnam. On the bus journey home, I glanced to the skyline which always makes me smile either externally or inside, "hey I get to live there" and there was nothing. Complete apathy for the city. It could be attributed to my exhaustion but still yesterday on the way home, the same thing. Soon it will be over, this journey. Soon this struggle and loneliness will cease.
Or so I hope.
No comments:
Post a Comment