Things don't always go according the way I have them planned in my mind, but yet I hold out hope that I will continously catch a break and have things go my way all the time. It adds to the gratefulness when the breaks are few and far between I suppose. Ideally I would sunnying myself on the quiet, small Gili Islands only genius here didn't book the book in time. So I am spending an additional day here in Kuta Beach. The thing that is different about this sunny day versus the others I have experienced this week is the departure of my travel companion. It is just me and the island now.
Day 3
Being that it is the wet season, the rain dumped in buckets awaking us from our slumber. May I sidenote for a moment, that I have been sleeping like a baby here. We went to breakfast and called our day sunless and went shopping instead. I also stopped to get a fabulous massage and pick up little souviners and some paintings for my house. They have goregeous flowers only found in the Southern Hemispere that I am in love with so, I purchased three paintings for my apartment to remind me that paradise is only a plane ride away...(22 hours worth).
The sun finally heard our plees and came out for the afternoon as we sunned ourselves and watched the overload of testoserone overtake the pool, quite a lovely sight actually. Then for our last night we got dolled up and made our way to Seminyak for a lovely french dinner along side the rice patties. Strangley enough, Turiya knew the owner who chatted with us over a glass of champange and then gave me the number for his friend who lives in the Gili Islands. Fanstatic way to say good bye until our next journey together. This trip makes seven countries we have travel through together.
Day 4
Is it day four? I am loosing track...Anyway today I rented a board and went to "muck about" in the ocean only to find it terriably disgusting with litter...may wait until the afternoon for the tide to take it away...gross...I took two showers after being out there for 15 minutes. A little sun and now I am on way to another massage but thought I would stop for a bit and update my travel journal.
28 February 2008
27 February 2008
surf and palm
Day 2
After breakfast I went on my way to find a massage. Let me tell you these countries really know how to give massages and for six dollars, sign me up every day. I came back to the hotel with postcards and figured out my game plan for the rest of my stay. I also booked a surf lesson for the afternoon. My partner showed up at the pool finally and I only had to laugh at her misery, I felt great!
The little knowledge I gained in Costa Rica in regards to surfing seemed to escape me and it took hours for me to finally get it again. My instructor, Rane was very patient and just laughed at my falling and fear of letting go of the board. After a 20 minute break on the beach we tried again, and suddenly it clicked. I was up on the board. Surfer girl...well, I am working on it. The waves kicked the shit out me and this old lady was in bed by 2100.
UBUD
I was given a book for Christmas from my dear friend, Hilary whom upon reading the first page chapter went and bought it for me. I started to read it after my trip to Rome over Thanksgiving and finished in the sad month of January. Excellent book that I have in turn given to my friends as well. Eat, Pray, Love is divided into three sections, Italy, India, and Indonesia.
I already had my holiday planned to Bali before reading the last section of the book in one sitting. I was captivated by her writting and it made the desire to see what see saw and experience the tranquility she described even stronger.
Yesterday we got up and took transport up the city where the author lived. It was such a different setting from the hussle and bussle of the surf town. It was the peace I have been searching for the whole time. We toured about the city before going to see the medicine man. We arrived in time to watch a traditional Balinese ritual of blessing holy water. The feeling of being there in the same place of the author to watch the power of healing through blessings and spiritual power overwhelmed me and the tears began to flow. We sat in the sunshine waiting for about an hour for our turn to meet with the legendary medicine man, Ketut who was adorned in an I heart NY t-shirt. He was very funny as he talked to me about NY and welcomed me to his porch to read my palm. It was such a cool experience and when I asked for a photo he got up and went into the house. He emerged with a headdress and placed flowers behind his ears to pose.
We journeyed back into town to shop at the market and then set out on our next search for Wayan, another character in the book.
We found the shop which served the multi-vitman lunch and spoke to Wayan as she sat with us. She sent up an individual prayer for blessing then evaluated our bodies to find out our inbalance. Then she read my palm as well. Her reading was less touristy and spot on. We dined on fresh food and spent hours chatting away. I even helped translate a phone call from Argentina for her. I walked around with my book showing it to each of them, who grinned lovingly at the thought of being semi-famous in the Western world. Amazing experience to say the very least.
After breakfast I went on my way to find a massage. Let me tell you these countries really know how to give massages and for six dollars, sign me up every day. I came back to the hotel with postcards and figured out my game plan for the rest of my stay. I also booked a surf lesson for the afternoon. My partner showed up at the pool finally and I only had to laugh at her misery, I felt great!
The little knowledge I gained in Costa Rica in regards to surfing seemed to escape me and it took hours for me to finally get it again. My instructor, Rane was very patient and just laughed at my falling and fear of letting go of the board. After a 20 minute break on the beach we tried again, and suddenly it clicked. I was up on the board. Surfer girl...well, I am working on it. The waves kicked the shit out me and this old lady was in bed by 2100.
UBUD
I was given a book for Christmas from my dear friend, Hilary whom upon reading the first page chapter went and bought it for me. I started to read it after my trip to Rome over Thanksgiving and finished in the sad month of January. Excellent book that I have in turn given to my friends as well. Eat, Pray, Love is divided into three sections, Italy, India, and Indonesia.
I already had my holiday planned to Bali before reading the last section of the book in one sitting. I was captivated by her writting and it made the desire to see what see saw and experience the tranquility she described even stronger.
Yesterday we got up and took transport up the city where the author lived. It was such a different setting from the hussle and bussle of the surf town. It was the peace I have been searching for the whole time. We toured about the city before going to see the medicine man. We arrived in time to watch a traditional Balinese ritual of blessing holy water. The feeling of being there in the same place of the author to watch the power of healing through blessings and spiritual power overwhelmed me and the tears began to flow. We sat in the sunshine waiting for about an hour for our turn to meet with the legendary medicine man, Ketut who was adorned in an I heart NY t-shirt. He was very funny as he talked to me about NY and welcomed me to his porch to read my palm. It was such a cool experience and when I asked for a photo he got up and went into the house. He emerged with a headdress and placed flowers behind his ears to pose.
We journeyed back into town to shop at the market and then set out on our next search for Wayan, another character in the book.
We found the shop which served the multi-vitman lunch and spoke to Wayan as she sat with us. She sent up an individual prayer for blessing then evaluated our bodies to find out our inbalance. Then she read my palm as well. Her reading was less touristy and spot on. We dined on fresh food and spent hours chatting away. I even helped translate a phone call from Argentina for her. I walked around with my book showing it to each of them, who grinned lovingly at the thought of being semi-famous in the Western world. Amazing experience to say the very least.
25 February 2008
ewr-arn-kul-dps
I have finally made it to Bali. My holiday this year was choosen because of how far away it was and how expensive it would be to get here without my flight benefits. I have a romantic idea of how it would be here, sun, sand, surf, peace and tranquility...well, it hasn't been what I thought thus far.
Being air crew has it's advantages in more ways than one. Here is my favorite after cutting through security, I get taken special care of. I introduced myself to the persur on the flight and found myself in a row of five seats with a bottle of champange. Their service was impeccable to begin with and then with VIP service...I was lovin' life! The message was passed on the next crew as they changed in ARN and I received the same hospitality. I will tell you, it makes all the difference in the world on a 25 hour journey to have rest, real rest.
I arrived around 1300 local time and was so grateful to have Turiya meet me at the airport. By the last leg of the journey, I was spent. We made our way to the hotel chatting a bit and planning our week. After a quick shower, it was beer and pool time. The weather here is perfect, around 85 and humid. We took a walk about the city and it seems like any other beach town with pushy marketers. I was a bit cranky as the jetlag set in and opted to go to bed early. I obligied Turiya's plees to have one beer, which turned into five before heading to bed. The sun awoke me and I walked around the city once more, this time peacefully as no one was up from all the partying the night prior. I am currently looking for a surf lesson and a massage before I figure out how to make it to Ubud to find the peace I had in mind as well as my medicine man.
I am sure this holiday will turn around, but currently I feel like I could have done this in Mexico versus a world a way.
Being air crew has it's advantages in more ways than one. Here is my favorite after cutting through security, I get taken special care of. I introduced myself to the persur on the flight and found myself in a row of five seats with a bottle of champange. Their service was impeccable to begin with and then with VIP service...I was lovin' life! The message was passed on the next crew as they changed in ARN and I received the same hospitality. I will tell you, it makes all the difference in the world on a 25 hour journey to have rest, real rest.
I arrived around 1300 local time and was so grateful to have Turiya meet me at the airport. By the last leg of the journey, I was spent. We made our way to the hotel chatting a bit and planning our week. After a quick shower, it was beer and pool time. The weather here is perfect, around 85 and humid. We took a walk about the city and it seems like any other beach town with pushy marketers. I was a bit cranky as the jetlag set in and opted to go to bed early. I obligied Turiya's plees to have one beer, which turned into five before heading to bed. The sun awoke me and I walked around the city once more, this time peacefully as no one was up from all the partying the night prior. I am currently looking for a surf lesson and a massage before I figure out how to make it to Ubud to find the peace I had in mind as well as my medicine man.
I am sure this holiday will turn around, but currently I feel like I could have done this in Mexico versus a world a way.
19 February 2008
osl
I picked up a trip to OSL knowing that another crewmember would mostly likely remove me, so when the phone rang the day of the trip it didn’t surprise me. They called to let me know that I was still on the trip but now I am just in charge of the flight. All right, I will keep my snow pants in my suitcase then and head for the airport.
These flights have the reputation for being difficult due the amount of drinks each person orders. My theory is, I don’t care what you would like as long as you are polite. Well, let me tell you, my flight was a contributor to the reputation. These people, whom I am distantly related to, wanted everything under the sun. The please and thank yous were not as plentiful has I had thought they would be so by the time I got poked for the third time, I about lost it. And not only am I serving drinks, I also have to deal with the video system and questions from passengers and running back to get more o.j. By the time we got done with our first service, I was over it and wondered how I was related to them.
Fast forward to the layover…I slept the whole forty-five minutes on the bus drive in and it was everything I could manage to wash my face and crawl into bed. My new buddy, Seth (domestic reserve) called and we started our trek around the city. We walked for hours looking for a sculpture park we were told to go see and finally we found it as the sun was setting. Let me tell you, it was one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen, it seem to go on for an hour with the full moon becoming more defined by the minute. So this park is huge, Hyde Park huge, and has hundreds of sculptures of men, women, children in the buff. The details were incredible down the fingernails yet there was nothing sexual about it, in fact they were playful and innocent. More wandering took us the wrong way back to the hotel and after asking for directions we hopped on a city bus back to our starting point. From there we took a right and stumbled upon not on the town square but a Hard Rock Café. Minda will be so proud to have another shot glass in her collection. We wandered the streets people watching and looking for somewhere to eat. We settled on a great little café and enjoyed a nice dinner over looking the ice skating rink. After dinner we walked over and tried our hand at skating. As we sat there giving our calves a break from keeping us steady, I looked at Seth, and said, “the whole miserable flight…totally worth it”.
These flights have the reputation for being difficult due the amount of drinks each person orders. My theory is, I don’t care what you would like as long as you are polite. Well, let me tell you, my flight was a contributor to the reputation. These people, whom I am distantly related to, wanted everything under the sun. The please and thank yous were not as plentiful has I had thought they would be so by the time I got poked for the third time, I about lost it. And not only am I serving drinks, I also have to deal with the video system and questions from passengers and running back to get more o.j. By the time we got done with our first service, I was over it and wondered how I was related to them.
Fast forward to the layover…I slept the whole forty-five minutes on the bus drive in and it was everything I could manage to wash my face and crawl into bed. My new buddy, Seth (domestic reserve) called and we started our trek around the city. We walked for hours looking for a sculpture park we were told to go see and finally we found it as the sun was setting. Let me tell you, it was one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen, it seem to go on for an hour with the full moon becoming more defined by the minute. So this park is huge, Hyde Park huge, and has hundreds of sculptures of men, women, children in the buff. The details were incredible down the fingernails yet there was nothing sexual about it, in fact they were playful and innocent. More wandering took us the wrong way back to the hotel and after asking for directions we hopped on a city bus back to our starting point. From there we took a right and stumbled upon not on the town square but a Hard Rock Café. Minda will be so proud to have another shot glass in her collection. We wandered the streets people watching and looking for somewhere to eat. We settled on a great little café and enjoyed a nice dinner over looking the ice skating rink. After dinner we walked over and tried our hand at skating. As we sat there giving our calves a break from keeping us steady, I looked at Seth, and said, “the whole miserable flight…totally worth it”.
16 February 2008
pooches, pooches, pooches all around
I took over the biz for four days and I am still exhausted on day five. Mind you I was also entertaining Janene, who was not helpful in the walking just the getting me drunk at night.
My girl could not have picked a better week to go old of town as it snowed Tuesday, flooded Wednesday, and finally became a healthy temp on Friday.
Some pooches wanted nothing do with the rain, other didn't mind so I had to clean them up before returning them, others I just sat at their house and played with. Friday, the sun was out and I walked 12 dogs, mind you the max we do is 3. From 1000 to 1800 I only sat down for 15 minutes for a slice and 30 minutes for a beer and to write my report. I have torn my mud-covered jeans, have a blister on my toe, and my body feels like I am turn 60 next week. Was it all worth it? Hell yes!
On the flip side, I got tons of exercise, socialized with the dogs, received unconditional love, and had six different, four legged Valentines, and made some good money. I am also officially a dog walker now because I have my own business cards and notepad. That's right, moving up in NYC!
Spent today doing nothing so far and enjoying the serenity of my "new home". Off again tomorrow to the friendly skies!
My girl could not have picked a better week to go old of town as it snowed Tuesday, flooded Wednesday, and finally became a healthy temp on Friday.
Some pooches wanted nothing do with the rain, other didn't mind so I had to clean them up before returning them, others I just sat at their house and played with. Friday, the sun was out and I walked 12 dogs, mind you the max we do is 3. From 1000 to 1800 I only sat down for 15 minutes for a slice and 30 minutes for a beer and to write my report. I have torn my mud-covered jeans, have a blister on my toe, and my body feels like I am turn 60 next week. Was it all worth it? Hell yes!
On the flip side, I got tons of exercise, socialized with the dogs, received unconditional love, and had six different, four legged Valentines, and made some good money. I am also officially a dog walker now because I have my own business cards and notepad. That's right, moving up in NYC!
Spent today doing nothing so far and enjoying the serenity of my "new home". Off again tomorrow to the friendly skies!
he wasn't spanish...
Hands down best trip I ever had working. The five day Rome is so close but in terms of making the most of out of 24 hours, done! Speaking of Rome, the same FO was on my flight this time and I knew that I was in for some fun. He is a big teddybear and adventurous. I had no expectations of a first class seat for the deadhead portion of the trip but, what do you know, my own big seat. I watched a movie and then hit the hay. I was ready to hit the ground running once we arrived at the hotel so I got a map and set off. My navigation skills left me as it took an hour versus the fifteen minutes to get where I needed to go. The good news is that I have seen the sides of Barcelona, not just the middle. I head to the water and see all the sailboats and yachts, the old and new buildings, and the many people out because it was a Saturday as well as 22C, perfect weather. I continued my wandering and walked along the beach, asked randoms to take my photos, bought sounvieners, and then went in search of a shot glass from the Hard Rock Cafe. My friend, Minda collects these damn things and it has never taking me less than a hour to find the damn place. This time, it took two hours as everyone I asked gave me different directions and I just ended up circling the damn place. I made it back to the hotel in time to take a shower and meet Jim for dinner. In preparation for this top five on my list city, I brought a dress and red patent heals. We went to a great seafood place and I had the salty cod and yummy dessert. We went in search of a disco-tech since the strip of them was closed for the week and the casino would not let us in without our original passport. We had a choice of three, a spanish, an asian, or a brightly colored one called opium. I choose the later. Mind you it is 2330 and people where still eating dinner so we spent our time drinking until 0100 (our cut off) and chatting. Then these two guys came and joined us at our table One (the German) was kind of a dick at first until Jim came up with this story that I was an heir to the Duke fortune and he was my bodyguard. The guy next to him (Turkish) was very handsome and was asking tons of questions about his job as my protector. I told Jim I wanted to dance and he told the guys, she gets what she wants, who wants to dance with her. The German did of course and after a bit I decided I wanted the other guy instead. So, the other guy and i dance and made out. The jig was up when I had to get dressed for work after two hours of sleep in my flight attendant uniform.
08 February 2008
bcn
It's one of those mornings when the bed feels so good, particualarly because I have new sheets and because I didn't make it to bed until 0230. I set the alarm to call in for purser at 0600 and then to see if I had to dog walk at 1000. It was my favorite time 1111 when the phone began to sing along to John Denver. I gladly picked up and found out I am deadheading (ie. not working can sleep the whole night) and then working the flight back from.........BCN! Looks like I can begin looking for that Spanish lover a month early!
07 February 2008
pooch patrol
Tuesday and Wednesday were spent gearing up to take over the dog walking biz next week. I walked seven dogs on Tuesday and came home exhausted. I am excited to label myself a full time dog walker for five days, getting sunshine, playing in the dog park, getting exercise. It is good for my soul to be out in the city walking pooches, and they seem to like listening to me talk to them as we are strolling along. My line up includes two old labs that walk at a snails pace and don't seem to mind that we walk in circles around Madison Square Park. I have already made friends with the park ranger. The next in the line up is my absolute favorite, a nine-month-old lab. We spend an hour running to the park and playing in the mud. What a sweetheart. Next is the pits whom I have yet to walk by myself but seems really sweet and I guarantee you that no will mess with me while I have them. On to Zeus, my longhaired wiener dog whom only likes the ladies. Then onto the Yorkies who don't want to have anything to do with the outside and even though they are cute, they are a handful. Onto my other favorite, a mastiff who is a big teddy bear and who has my number because she didn't budge from the entrance to the pet store until I got her a cookie. I will have two puggles thrown into the mix when I take over. Looking forward to life with the pooches.
06 February 2008
super tuesday
Big day here in NYC, not only for the eight million and change people who live here but for this New Yorker as well. Today is the first day of my new apartment and the start of peace in my home and in my life. Carol was finally able to go home knowing I would be okay. Huge props for her strength and patience. We went out to dinner last night and ended up getting pretty damn drunk, deservely so.
It is super Tuesday and people lined the sidewalks to vote and it was all a certain sector was talking about. I was asked four times if I had voted. The other big hipe in the city was the welcoming home of our hometown heroes, the GIANTS. It was so amazing to be here for the win. Granted it was an amazing game but the addition of being in NY to watch the game, the energy and pure pride in the underdog. I would have rather been here than in AZ actually. New Yorkers are passionate about their teams and I loved being a part of it.
It is super Tuesday and people lined the sidewalks to vote and it was all a certain sector was talking about. I was asked four times if I had voted. The other big hipe in the city was the welcoming home of our hometown heroes, the GIANTS. It was so amazing to be here for the win. Granted it was an amazing game but the addition of being in NY to watch the game, the energy and pure pride in the underdog. I would have rather been here than in AZ actually. New Yorkers are passionate about their teams and I loved being a part of it.
in charge
I was sitting airport alert last night, when a guy came up asking the crowd if any one had international managing experience and would like to go to Oslo. I raised my hand and told him I would be happy to bullshit it. Sold! Off to a small room to complete the necessary paperwork for the flight and then onto the gate. It was a forty-eight hour layover and the excitement to go somewhere new overshadowed my fear of being in charge. The crew was great and we were almost complete with boarding when the original purser came aboard and told me to get off the plane and go back to the crew room. Piss on him! I sat and watched the Democratic debate instead of planning my sledding trip with the crew.
With the want to be home for the Super Bowl, I called and volunteered to be a purser today. The request was granted on the 777 to LGW. I was throw in the deep in and managed to bull shit my way through the whole flight I even had to argue with a passenger about how is new wife couldn’t just happen to sit with him in first class. I wanted to ask him if he loved her so damn much, then why didn’t he buy her a first class ticket? He snuck her up anyway and I had to go and kick her out. I don’t think that man knew whom he was messing with.
I am now sitting in my nice room waiting for the weariness of the pass week to hit me and force me to lay my head down but I am not tired. Well, my mind is at least wide-awake. Even though the sun is out in jolly ol’ England, I have no plans to leave the hotel/airport as I brought plenty of reading material and I am going to be a complete nerd and write out my announcements for tomorrow’s flight.
With the want to be home for the Super Bowl, I called and volunteered to be a purser today. The request was granted on the 777 to LGW. I was throw in the deep in and managed to bull shit my way through the whole flight I even had to argue with a passenger about how is new wife couldn’t just happen to sit with him in first class. I wanted to ask him if he loved her so damn much, then why didn’t he buy her a first class ticket? He snuck her up anyway and I had to go and kick her out. I don’t think that man knew whom he was messing with.
I am now sitting in my nice room waiting for the weariness of the pass week to hit me and force me to lay my head down but I am not tired. Well, my mind is at least wide-awake. Even though the sun is out in jolly ol’ England, I have no plans to leave the hotel/airport as I brought plenty of reading material and I am going to be a complete nerd and write out my announcements for tomorrow’s flight.
stand up
There are times in life when you have to admit that you need a life raft. When you have to admit you are not strong enough to fight the battle alone. Sometime this rescue comes from simply talking to someone new about the situation and getting a different view. It may only be a sentence that you didn’t think about. For example, she has control of me in some odd way. Other times the lifeline is thrown out during an argument. The only thing harder than admitting you need a lifeline is the denial of it; the realization comes when you least expect it. Today is came during a fight with Carol. It just hit me, and I had to verbally say that she has some control over me that scares me shitless. Here I was still fighting for her after all she has done. The metaphorical slap in the face was exactly what I needed to get off my ass and get her shit packed up. The battle is not over yet but I now feel like I am my old self and am ready to stand up for myself.
01 February 2008
waiting
To answer my previous question: yes I am foolish to forgive. I am now accompanied by Carol because I finally had to admit I was weak against the presence who has because a poison force that residence in my home.
I begged scheduling to give me a trip and Dublin it was. I ran home to grab my things and had to take a cab to Penn Station just to make it on time. I left behind my laptop and apparently my guard. I received a call after arriving letting me know my laptop as well as hers had been stolen. I spent three hours at the 19th preceint filing a report and of course making friends with all the men in blue. Each time a new piece comes out it is conflicting or something that doesn't make sense. She found a way to hurt me more. She let the guys in to our apartment that took away a part of my life, an irreplaceable part. It still makes me sick to my stomach to think about. What is even worse is the waiting to get her out. NY is a very difficult place for break ups of any kind. I have to be careful or I could be the one in jail. She has agreed to move out but it is 0230 on the 1st and her stuff is still here. Now it is a waiting period, a waiting for peace.
I begged scheduling to give me a trip and Dublin it was. I ran home to grab my things and had to take a cab to Penn Station just to make it on time. I left behind my laptop and apparently my guard. I received a call after arriving letting me know my laptop as well as hers had been stolen. I spent three hours at the 19th preceint filing a report and of course making friends with all the men in blue. Each time a new piece comes out it is conflicting or something that doesn't make sense. She found a way to hurt me more. She let the guys in to our apartment that took away a part of my life, an irreplaceable part. It still makes me sick to my stomach to think about. What is even worse is the waiting to get her out. NY is a very difficult place for break ups of any kind. I have to be careful or I could be the one in jail. She has agreed to move out but it is 0230 on the 1st and her stuff is still here. Now it is a waiting period, a waiting for peace.
paths
There is a thought that when a goal/want/etc is especially challenging that one should perserver because it will be worth more once achieved. But what if the challenges and obstacles are in place to make you think twice about the decision or perhaps "hind sight" rearing its head in the present? As anyone who knows me well knows that my mind is rarely at rest. Since I have too much time to think during this huge mess that has become of my NY lease, I have been going over what a pain in the ass it was to get this place. It was myself who did the majority of the leg work, acting as the responsible party to make this dream of living in NYC happen.
Did I force fate into giving me what I thought I needed? I look back at the purchase of my first home and reflect on the many hours of work, phone calls, and money that it took just to get into the home. The lender said she had never seen someone work so hard to get the loan closed. Buying that house was a mistake. Along the lines of housing, my thought move naturally towards my loft. Oh, my beautiful, much missed loft. It was the first place I looked at to rent and was approved the same day. When I decided to purchase the whole transaction was smooth as glass and finished in two weeks. Aside from the leaving of boyfriends, it was the best decision of my adult life.
Speaking of old boyfriends, one thing Matt loves about me is that I see what I want and I go after it. My relationship with him is an example, this new job, seeing the world, living in NYC... But now I am at a place that I don't know what I want or what my next step should be. I think about the future and become overwhelmed. I have made the childish decision to live month by month and placing a new holiday in each just to have something to look forward to. My personality, the one I have put aside for this job is the control freak that would love to know exactly what I am supposed to be doing.
So, now do I just look for the easy road, the one with no uphills as the correct path? Do I continue to go after what I think I want even if it is the rockiest path of all? Or do I sit back and wait for fate to deal me into the next game?
Did I force fate into giving me what I thought I needed? I look back at the purchase of my first home and reflect on the many hours of work, phone calls, and money that it took just to get into the home. The lender said she had never seen someone work so hard to get the loan closed. Buying that house was a mistake. Along the lines of housing, my thought move naturally towards my loft. Oh, my beautiful, much missed loft. It was the first place I looked at to rent and was approved the same day. When I decided to purchase the whole transaction was smooth as glass and finished in two weeks. Aside from the leaving of boyfriends, it was the best decision of my adult life.
Speaking of old boyfriends, one thing Matt loves about me is that I see what I want and I go after it. My relationship with him is an example, this new job, seeing the world, living in NYC... But now I am at a place that I don't know what I want or what my next step should be. I think about the future and become overwhelmed. I have made the childish decision to live month by month and placing a new holiday in each just to have something to look forward to. My personality, the one I have put aside for this job is the control freak that would love to know exactly what I am supposed to be doing.
So, now do I just look for the easy road, the one with no uphills as the correct path? Do I continue to go after what I think I want even if it is the rockiest path of all? Or do I sit back and wait for fate to deal me into the next game?
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