difficult request

I have been asked to let my dad know it was okay with me if he passes. How am I supposed to do such a thing? Granted it is difficult to see him suffer to watch what was the strongest man in my life now become week and reliant. It is difficult to watch the burden (only for lack of better terms) he is on my mother. Losing a parent at the age of 30 is something I am ready to physically deal with as the road to this day has been long and expected over the past two years, however I was not ready to verbally tell my dad anything other than the fact that I love him. I believe people hang on to life until they have closure with people or are able to say goodbye. I was hoping with my visit the permission would be implied. The weight on my heart has been lifted slightly through this visit and I am happy to say that I was able to say goodbye while he still remembered me, I was able to say goodbye in my own way that I have an hour to figure out how. I am happy to say that I was able to do one of my favorite things with my dad during this visit, watch a baseball game. Sadly, I am now the one who yells at the TV.

My goodbye was not verbal; I couldn’t bring myself to say it. Instead, I sat on my dad’s lap, held his hand, and talked. He finally asked me to get up as his frail leg was falling asleep. I hugged and kissed him goodbye.