how much more?

I am losing grip on my sanity. It has been 18 days since i was a flight attendant, six weeks since I have been a waitress, and gratefully only three hours since I have been a dog walker. I live under the control of scheduling these days and unlike the two months prior I am not a call out line which means they can call me 24 hours a day and give me two hours to be at the airport. My bags are already packed and my uniform hanging in the closet dressed with wings. That is good common practice for me, but I know that I am not going to go anywhere. At best I may be given airport alert and sent home after my duty day. There are no trips for reserves these days. All of my friends are sitting around as well. It sucks also because no one is giving up waitressing shifts and the couple I have been asked about I couldn't commit until the last minute and by then they were gone. It is a maddening cycle actually. Last Friday I thought it would be good fun to start drinking every night. Seeing how I don't get out of bed until 1200 these days, why not? For a period of fives days this was a fabulous idea, drink every night and sleep all day. Once I would get up I would walk to Starbucks, and come back to my "make-shift" office at the dinning room table and play on the computer. I will have to say I am being a bit constructive with designing things and do travel research but still...goofing off is a better term. I do this until 1800 or so when my roommate comes home and then I head out the door. He is a little ADD and is a nerd in the nicest respect of the word. He never goes anywhere and makes dinner at 2300 almost every night. We have polite conversation while the two dogs jump around and then I find a way to end it so I can go into my room and make a game plan for the evening. Tonight I don't have the energy to brave the cold and sit at a bar. Tonight I sit here and wonder if I can go to bed by ten and actually sleep. Sleep and not have nightmares or wake up with my head spinning in circles.