31 December 2008

closing of 2008

I sit here on the edge of my bed as the morning ticks towards the afternoon. It is the 31st of December. I am sitting here thinking about the year 2008 is fast forward motion, thinking about the mistakes which were made. I am also listing things I have learned directly or indirectly from those falls in life.

Failures:

Allowing myself to be manipulated
Failing Brooklyn
Falling as a mother to George
Failing in my spirit to travel
Failing relationship with a boy

What I have learned:

I am a strong woman who can handle just about anything with the right people behind me or by my side, thank you Carol
I am better than anyone I deem to be “wonderful”
I have learned karma does reward a good heart in the end
I have learned sometimes being with one person that you love is better than being pulled in every direction
I have learned where the best steak in the city is and had a grand time doing so
I have learned it is okay to say what you want and go after it even if the result is not what you had planned
I have learned that an unhappy living situation landfalls to the rest of your being and it is okay to get out
I learned I had the strength to get out…of many things
I learned sometimes the most love you can share with someone is to let them go
I learned that an open heart usually spots the good things before the mind can
I have re affirmed that miles don’t separate true friendships
I have learned therapist are a god send!
I have learned that I need to allow people to take care of me…ok, ok I am still working on that one
I have learned that I can have friends here and actually do...I just looked around
I have learned that Jack and I don’t belong together, shouldn’t even court him even when I am lonely and everyone else is with him
I have learned to follow adventures and make my own
I learned that sometimes it is just better to walk away
I learned that the looks don't make a man
I learned that living with a dork is better than living with a fake friend
I have learned that when you least expect it, you get assigned HNL
I have learned that the universe rewards a good heart


I am unsure where I will be when the clock strikes midnight here in New York, my home. But I have an openness like never before and when I start to get anxious or want to plan my “what if they don’t call”, I stop and be.

Being in the moment, that something I want to learn in 2009.

27 December 2008

19B

I am back on board the plane after a fantastic layover. I have been warned this is a difficult flight to work because it is a true "red eye". The sun would not be up for at least eight hours of the flight. The ladies in the back who had now begun to turn on each other informed me that we would be getting the service done in rapid time so we could take longer breaks. Fine by me.

So as I am walking back after take off this lady stops me and complains that the seat in front of her reclined.
Visual for a moment: we are on a 2-3-2 configuration and the guy in seats in front of her had both reclined and managed to find a way to be comfortable. He had the fortune of not having a seat mate.

I informed the lady that her seat reclines as well and I can't ask a passenger to unrecline his seat because that was his option just as it was hers. She then tells me that his not his seat and why should he have two seats and that I need to make him put the seat up. I glance at the guy who informed me that he had already been in a fight with the lady. My response to this was "so, we are adults here, yes?". He laughed at that but the lady...holy moly, she went off. I told her that I wasn't going to make the guy put up his seat and that was that.

I look over and she had another flight attendants ear. She ended up complaining about me and the calling of her a child. "That's not what I said." I replied when informed of my bad attitude.

So we start the service and I am on top of the bar cart. The guy orders 2 wines which I comp and tell him he has been through enough already. I get to the husband who orders an ice water.
And what would you like ma'am?
She glares at me.
Would you care for something to drink with dinner? I ask in my nicest flight attendant voice.
Diet coke, half!
Are you sure you won't like a full can?
No! I don't appreciate your attitude. And he doesn't own that seat. He has no right to that seat.
Your right, you don't own your seat either, the bank does.
He shouldn't be able to have two seats, that's unfair...
I am sorry about that ma'am and I would be happy to have the service manager speak with you when the service is complete.
As I am pouring the soda I am talking to her, and I place the soda down on her tray table.
I SAID HALF!
I am so sorry about that ma'am, as I re-pour a half a soda.

The next service is about 20 minutes later. "Something more to drink?" This woman has encouraged me to be flight attendant of the year to everyone around her. I am smiling, pleasant, cheerful, anything you want. Mind you I am working in economy and you know how much I despise economy!

I get to the husband.
Something more to drink sir?, in my most flirtatious voice.
No, Thank you as he smiles at me.
You ma'am?
She just glares.
I move the cart down a couple of rows to hear her yelling at her husband at first smiling at me and not finding out where the service manager is. I went up to explain the situation right off the bat to our manager and he told me to "fuck them'. I agreed with the advice.

Eight hours goes by and we are doing our last service and this time she won't even look at me. God, this woman can hold a grudge. I have already had a nap, dinner, and read a book. Her, she has done nothing but glare ahead.

I am the door "good-byer". "Have a good day", "Thank you" "Bye Bye". Over and over again. I sometimes have to stop for a drink of water on the big planes.

Here comes the guy, I just chuckle as I said good bye.
The husband, I flip my hair and smile Have a good day sir.
The troublemaker, Have a WONDERFUL day ma'am! Fake smile, fake smile.

all i want for christmas is...

I was invited on a four day trip with my pilot friend Jim but couldn't fathom getting Christmas eve off work plus I had a few commitments back here. I sadly sent my rvsp of no and continued on with my day. I called up Carol to have her pick up a trip for me as I was walking dogs and she is a hell of a lot faster at it. I sent her my list, AMS, MAD, CDG..all these great trips were there in my reach so I could know where I would be spending my holiday. Four o'clock came around and I the computer locked her out, I tried but we were both logged on, I tried again and nothing. All the trips were gone. I burst into tears at the Fed-Ex. Not only did I miss something that was in my reach, I now will be on call for six days not knowing where I will end up.
I met up with a friend for a celebratory cocktail as she had just ended her semester. I called it quits around one and headed home.
The phone rang at 0730 to let me know I had been assigned airport alert at noon. "You're going to send me somewhere good right?" I asked. He laughed and told me we'd see what happened.
Since my roommate is gone (place here a figure dancing in the hall) I got up and made myself a cup of coffee and took my time getting ready. I allowed myself extra time thinking there maybe traffic for the holiday but rolled up to the airport with no problem. I checked in early and looked around to see the crew room practically empty which never happens this time of day. I read my paper and then the phone rang for me. I skipped up to the bat phone to see what it was. A pre-board to HNL, I didn't get excited as I walked to the gate, I wanted to but these have fallen through majority of the time in the past. I get there and make small talk with the crew, only one of which I knew and the #5 gal showed up. I walked back to the crew room and people looked surprisingly at my return, It was only a pre-board, I say, HNL is a little out of my league. I went to the restroom and had to ask someone to listen for my name. As I was walking back to take a seat the phone was being waved at me. HNL he said, it's a go. "Are you messing with me?" and then I shrieked happily, told the scheduler Merry Christmas and darted back to the gate.

The crew laughed as I walked back on among the passengers. And for the next ten hours I was headed for the islands.

I had called Jim to let him know I was on my way to HNL thinking he was the outbound crew and I would just get a chance to say hello and get a holiday hug. When we landed, I had a text to come outside as he had a luxury car and a fresh lay waiting for me! We went to the hotel and on the way I figured out he would be one of our pilots home. He took me out to dinner and then we met up with his sister, After a drink at Dukes we walked along the Waikiki Beach and finally at 0100 local time I was exhausted.
I got up at 0630 to walk the beach and watch the sun rise. I grabbed some souvies and coffee and decided it was time for Jim to get up and take me around. I dialed his room and woke him up, "let's go!" I said excitedly!
Breakfast fueled our day of exploring. We started driving and saw Diamond Head Point, Mokapu, visited his friend Glenn in his 20 million dollar hours, saw Bellows, Blow hole and Sandy Beach, Pali Lookout, stopped by a private hanger at the airport to see his friend Bob and cute son Dane, and then headed to his dad's house for Turkey dinner. I had three helpings and apologized for my piggyness as I hadn't had a Christmas dinner with anyone in four years. After we headed back for another walk along Waikiki this time it was filled with people and even a Christmas tree. A short nap preceded the long flight home.
All in all, a pretty damn great Christmas if I do say so myself!!!

22 December 2008

really?

I went to bed at 2100 last night due to shear exhaustion. My roommate must have thought I either departed for the evening or was dead because he decided to play house music as loud as possible. I awoke at four am to have a sip of water and then rolled over back to dream ville. Next thing I know, the phone is ringing that song from John Denver. I answer groggy and trying to figure out what time it is. I figured out pretty damn quickly that it is 0600 and they are calling to tell me to be at the airport at 0800. That doesn't leave time for a shower and still puts me in a tight squeeze on public transport. I call a car service as I am going pee and arrange for a 0645 pickup.
I am not happy!
The temperature is 14 degrees and I am getting hotter by the minute about not only the long day ahead of me but also that I will be $70 in the hole for the day as I am not really getting paid for the trip. It is just going against my guarantee.
I get to the airport check in and they ask if I was the lead. No, I told them that I was the "speaker" I get my extra shot latte and stomp to the gate like a child. They had me the paperwork. I am not the lead, I explain once more. I get on board and meet the crew, I am not the lead, I am the speaker and I am not happy, I am NTA. These people didn't care. I came to find out I was the lead. Damn it.
So the flight boarded as I stood in now 16 degree weather "welcoming" people and there luggage, tv's garbage bags, tons and tons of luggage. It was nothing like I had ever seen prior. There was 15 bags that had to be gate checked. I heard stories about these flights to the Caribbean, horror stories non the least. I was just grateful no one was trying to bring on a chicken as I have heard tale of. I did the service and practiced all the Spanish words I knew related to drinking beverages. Not so bad, cause if I can't understand you, you get Coke. That's my rule.
At one point in time the real speaker had to make an announcement about how to flush the toilet. Really? And people want to holiday here why?
I finally mellowed out and accepted my tragedy for what it was, just a day. A long interesting day where my high school Spanish helped quench some thirst.

21 December 2008

my middle name should be jackass

Thursday night I was assigned airport alert at 2045. I had no problem going and figured I wouldn't be sent out due to the latest of it all. I brought my computer to occupy the four hours and dinked around. It is amazing how much a time such facebook is! I popped over to the crew site to look at what may be around the corner for me and found out I already had an assignment for the next day. My anger of still having to sit for another two hours when both they and I know that I am assigned something tomorrow made me acknowledge and delete the 1300 assignment quickly. I was furious, airport alert again! It would be 12 hours and 15 minutes in between them. I walked to the phone at 0040 to ask to be released five minutes early so I would ensure I could catch the bus home, the last bus home at 0100. When the scheduler hymned and ha'ed about it, I almost lost it, "I have to be back here in 12 hours you dumb bitch!" is what is running through my head.
With it was how long will it take to get home, if I take a cab how much time can I save before I am in bed?
What time do I need to get up tomorrow because there is a snow storm coming?
Should I take the train versus the bus?
But I wanted to take pictures of the snow fall in CP and bake cookies, now it is all ruined.
I hate my job.
This is absolute bullshit!

I set my alarm and drug myself out of bed. I was also upset because my holiday postcards where not here yet and they needed to be sent out. Turiya ventured up to have a quick coffee with me and allow me to vent my frustration with the unpredictability of my life. Off to the airport I go. I get there around 1230 and grab some bad Chinese food because I knew I would be hungry at some point of my incarceration. I had not brought my computer in case I was sent to Central or South America both of which were an option at that point during the day. I also discovered on the way in that I forgot my mobile. Stupid rush to get out of the apartment and to work on time. So I went to the crew computers to see if they had an early assignment already on my line. I looked at my schedule wondering where the airport alert had went.
It all clicked together much to my dismay at that moment...I had mistaken my call out line (which goes from 1330-2100) for airport alert. Shit, shit, shit!!! So I went to call scheduling as the snow began to build outside to explain my dilemma and beg them for an assignment. I only did it because I could not be without my mobile for more than 20 minutes because now I was on call and it took 1.5 hours to get back home. And more than likely with the weather, I would have been called back out any way.
So I was assigned airport alert (for real this time) at 1530. I sat until 1800 listening to the phone ringing off the hook as flights were cancelled and moved about. The airport was a clusterfuck to say the least. Finally it was for me and in good time too as my old roommate (old backstabber) had just came in for her airport alert. Off to GLA. Okay I can do that. So I grab a salad and head towards the gate.
Here is the next 44 hours in short:
an hour delay in getting the plane
quick boarding
did I mention I had to work the back/economy galley?
an hour to de-ice the engines before we could move from the gate to the de-icer for the wings
long line for the de-icer told by atc to wait at the gate
completed two water services, snack service, beverage and dinners service, picked up, and another beverage service
still on the ground, still at the gate
four hours later, get de-iced
de-iced for an hour
finally take off six hours after scheduled departure
spend the next 6 hours trying to stay awake
nodded off a few times

Get to the hotel
four hour nap
meet crew for dinner and a well deserved beer
go to bed
wake up at 0430 (wake is at 0615)
get into shower at 0600
get phone call that wake up is now 0815
get two hours of sleep
flight time ended up being 8.5 hours
we are supposed to get crew rest but family refused to move out of our assigned seats
bad service given to family with a lot of dirty looks
land
make it home three hours later than expected to walk through the slush

now sitting here in a fog as I do laundry and as my roommate runs his mouth despite how many blank stares I give him

This ladies and gentlemen was all self imposed torture for reading my schedule incorrectly.

18 December 2008

lisbon plus sintra

I arrived with the crew at the layover hotel and checked in. After a quick nap, which just came natural since my body believed I was on a layover, I made my way into the old city. Fabulous camera in hand along with my guide book, I wondered the streets for hours. The hotel clerk told me to keep walking downhill till I got there. There are old cobblestone streets, Portgauges shops, churro stands, the water kisses the shoe beside a large square. There are seven hills which make up the city and it felt like I climbed all of them. They were gloriously taken in when i cruised to the top of the tower of Justa. The red rooftops spotted the hills while the pale sides glowed in the sunlight. I would compare this city to Barcelona in its outlay although there was different feeling, it did not capture my heart like Barcelona did.
The sun was setting and I walked uphill back to the hotel and happily met the flight deck for dinner as I was wanting company. I changed into heels to look nice for dinner but after re walking the path back to old town and up a few cobblestone street slick with fresh ran, I was missing my old touristy tennis shoes. Dinner was awesome, I had a traditional dish of codfish along with wine and great conversation. We finished with a port wine and then headed to the Chinese Pavilion for a night cap.

Sintra
The next morning I set off for a small coastal town highly recommended by not only my guidebook, but also previous visitors to Portugal.
I always have this theory that riding a city's public transportation makes you a real traveler. Deciphering what the hell is going on and which way to go when there is no English and the knowledge of Spanish is actually working against me. After a couple of changes I was on the correct train. This town was gorgeous and so full of history, I couldn't wait to start exploring but first I had to go to the bathroom. There are no Starbucks, no public restrooms, no Barnes and Noble...all of my NY trips were not available. And el bano is not how you say toilet. So I found a place and ordered lunch even though I wasn't hungry just so I could scan the restaurant for the bathroom. After that I was on my path up the hill to this small village. I had been advised to take a bus up to the Moorish castle but I thought it would be a great idea to walk. That coupled with the fact I had been eating a little too much lately and was hoping to lose some of it on the way up the hill. Well I walked for about a mile with buses passing me and sweat pouring out even though it was only 50 degrees out. I stopped to catch my breath and see how much longer I had. I looked up and then even higher. It seemed like the damn mountain had grown during my journey, that or I was looking at the wrong hill when I started out. So I found the next bus stop and waited. The bus ride was fifteen minutes winding up the mountain. I got off at the very top and bought a ticket to tour the palace.
After another ten minute walk straight up hill, I reached a pastel castle. Each section was a different color. It looked like something a little girl would color in out of a fairy tale coloring book. I wandering around looking at the views of the ocean and imaging what it would be like to live in my very own castle, in the purple wing back in the 14th century.
I headed back to the train station and was delighted to discover the bus took me right there. I went back to old town to pick up a lace something or other for Carol...not what you are thinking...a lace thing to wrap around your head. Don't ask me.
I ran into the pilots and headed out for dinner once again. We ate at a traditional Portgauges place where they come around with every kind of meat you can think of and slice onto your plate. It was a vegetarian's worse nightmare but oh, so good.

First class took me home and the three glasses of wine I had at 0600 my time aided my drifting off.

lisbon

The flight to Dubai didn't pan out and much to my dismay, I was started suffering from cabin fever early in the season. I awoke Saturday morning with my head spinning, " I shouldn't be waking up in this bed." I walked around my room trying to avoid the squeaky board which haunts me when I am tired and for get to long jump into my bedroom. I grabbed my ipod and running shoes and headed south to the park. I started off at a full on pace and quickly tired before I made it to CP. I stopped to stretch and warm my lungs back up by breathing into my gloves. I walked for a bit mesmerized by the amount of people out for a run in 30 degree weather. And then I found it, my perfect pace. I didn't want to fall over and die or go back to a walk like I usually do after running for ten minutes. I found this pace that didn't want to let go of, so I ran and ran. I lost all track of time as well as my previous frustration. By the time I made it back to the apartment, my thoughts were clear.
I booked a flight to Lisbon for that evening. My bag was already packed so why not? Why not take advantage of an incredible gift I have. I can get on any open flight for free (vacation pass) and go. So why the hell not? And that is what I did.

12 December 2008

misplaced the bug

I was all set to go to Dubai, bags packed, party planned, lonely planet guide in hand. I just needed to pick up my "zed fare" and I would be on the stand by list ready to go. I called our travel office to get an idea of the cost and ask them if I could purchase it at JFK. I had purchased such tickets prior from other airports but I called again today to ask the same question. I guess I had doubt in my mind for a reason. Off I go to JFK which is a bit of a hike from home but I was ready, left in plenty of time to get there, get my ticket, and chat with Turiya prior to the twelve and half hour journey.
Well apparently my airline no longer flying out of JFK which means there is no desk to purchase said ticket. I called up the staff office to bitch at them to find they were closed already. There was not enough time to make it to my airport and back before the flight so I humbly drug my bags back home.
On the way home I decided to take my already packed bag somewhere. Hell, I have the time off and free passes on my own damn airline. I will try once more for Dubai but the loads are not in my favor. Where will I go otherwise? Cities popped in and out of my head. Lisbon, Amsterdam, Lima? I checked the weather on each and then came home to check the flight possibilities. Two places can welcome me aboard the flight tomorrow. But now sitting here, I don't want to go. I have no idea why, I haven't traveled since June to Istanbul. I have no idea where my travel bug has gone. I long for it, I long for the sense of adventure I once had. I don't know if is the need to work or because my loft is empty or that I have figured out that traveling alone is not always fun.

I want it back and I want it back soon!

finding a new way for a heart to sink

Technology, is convenient for staying in touch with people, warming your food up quickly or saving that show you enjoy for later. Although I don't express to be a genius at technology, only enough to get me by. However when I was younger I was the only one who could change the time on the VCR and even years after leaving home I would still receive bi-annual calls on how to change it.
Changing times have brought around myspace and facebook which are both great tools for keeping in touch with friends and reconnecting with old friends from high school and what not. It is also a good stocker tool. I'll admit it, I have studied someones profile before and tried to find out if I was significant to them with photos or the changing of the status from single. And I am sure others have done the same to me. Not necessarily guys per say, stocking is more of a girl sport.
So as days go by from my separation from the last, it gets easier not to think about him and soon as usual, he will be just a pleasant memory.
What is not easier to think about is when you log on to old facebook and see he is no longer listed as single...

10 December 2008

envy

So Rob is here...you know Rob, I could write a whole blog just devoted to him. He is inspiration to be a better conversationalist, a better writer, to view to world through knowledgeable eyes and then challenge what you find. Rob...fabulous, we can sit together in silence for an hour and then have an intellectual conversation over a couple of beers, Rob.

Well he is sitting next to me right now and is replacing my need for my therapist this week. He is my Mary for the moment. I can talk to him about anything and nothing at the same time. He is a piece of home and past and undoubtedly a piece of my future.

He is embarking on a journey around the world for a year and was going to begin in NY and then off somewhere with me before ideas and plans changed. He is now back to LA soon but not before I get to use him for comfort and a cure to my homesickness this time of year. He is then off to Australia and has no idea what lies in front of him after. I express my admiration of his journey and willingness to see where life will take him. He reminds me that I was a form of inspiration.

What? I ask. How am I an inspiration?

I am so jealous of his journey of him getting to see the world.

And then I am reminded by both him and myself, I am an inspiration and I am the lucky one who is living a dream of seeing the world. Yes I am in more of controlled environment but what the hell do I have to be jealous about?

my harem

My first flight in a month. I was so excited when scheduling called I didn't even ask where to or what position I was assigned. I was stoked. It turned out to be Manchester which isn't the worst place in the world, I like the hotel and it is familiar enough that I can get some rest and do a little shopping without the guilt of not exploring.
I head to airport in uniform, this time with a defined destination and it feels good. I check in with enthusiasm and look at all the others on airport alert with sadness for them as they will probably just pack up and head home at the end of the four hour shift.
I head to my gate and introduce myself to the guy waiting, as the time nears more and more of the crew approach and I quickly learn that I am the only girl. Eight men and me...just the way I like it!
I am working in the back which doesn't thrill me but I set up the galley and greet people at the door as I am supposed to. I glance longingly up to Business first and remind myself that I am happy to be working.
The morning rolls around and I am surprised I am not dead tired as my body has fallen out of the flight routine and eased into a NY server routine. It's almost time for the service I am told. I get up to prepare the cart and automatically have hatred for the passengers who are not going to tell me how they take their coffee or tea. My irritation shows on the cart and my partner is laughing at my frustration of people and my smart ass comments towards the end.
"I didn't wake up with you sir, I don't know how you take your coffee."
"I am not a mind reader ma'am."
"Coffee..." "Milk" "Then that is a white coffee" "Sugar" "Then ask for it all at once!"
"Hmmm" "Did you just start drinking coffee this morning?"
I have no idea why It bothers me so much...people's stupidity I guess.
What's comical is that when I work in BF, I automatically ask my passengers and then I remember for the whole flight. Their stupidity doesn't bother me. I think it because there are less of them and they paid good money to be stupid.

What is great about working with guys is that they all adored me and asked me what it felt like to be princess on the flight. I looked around at the gay men and replied that title is up for debate here boys.
The boys loved me so much that on the last service, they let ME work up in BF....where I belong!