depression war

Depression about leaving everything I have known or not known for the past three years is sneaking up on me. I take that back, it didn't take long for me to recognize what was happening. All my body wants to do is eat and sleep; I have had this happen before. There are days that it wins the battle and I sleep until the afternoon and then go straight to work. There are days when I win and I actually get out and do things. Today was half and half.
I was so tired after meeting the crew for dinner that my body refused to function and with the fear of getting sick, I allowed myself to go straight to bed. Well, when I woke up at 0100 to use the bathroom, it of course was all over until 0530 when I finally fell back to sleep. We didn't have crew rest on this flight so I was a long day. The commute home was hot and muggy and needless to say, I was not happy to have to walk 10 extra blocks in my uniform since my stop was closed on the C train. I took the coldest shower and then made the mistake of sitting down on my bed. Four hours later I made myself get up. I went to the computer and uploaded some photos and then glanced to the left. The western sky was a gorgeous pink and in the instant the old self took over and I grabbed my camera and ran out the door.
I spent the next five hours walking around the city. It was wonderful, the weather had finally given in to a slight breeze and the miles faded away with the hours.
I walked majority of the way home from 53rd on 5th Avenue and then moved over to 6th Ave. It was funny to walk by the old PATH stops where we used to come into the city when we lived in jersey. I smiled as I walked by the church from Halloween and the Starbucks and the papaya dog. I walked by the corner of 9th Street and remembered that is where mob boss used to pick me up for our dates. It was a silly memory but good one none the less. It was more of a full circle realization of how far I have come in three years.
My goal is to be myself as much as possible and to continue to soak up this incredible city that I have had the great fortune of calling my home.