2f

He walked on first out of my 14 customers in first class, standing above his seat, I gave him time to get settled. After he got done combing his hair I finally approached and asked what he would like to drink.
"Whatta got?"
"We have a large selection of beverages, is there something you had in mind?"
"Champagne"
I turn back to prepare and deliver it to him and start greeting the rest of my passengers. He begins to wave at me.
"This thing has three prong holes and the headphones have two."
"I assure you sir, it works with two, the third is for your own personal headset."
I get the rest of my customers drinks and he summons me once more. He begins telling me about some pilots in the back and something about United Airlines. He is mumbling and my ear block do not make a good combination; my hangover is making my patience of trying to figure out what he is speaking of less.
Pressure is on to get things finished before the safety demo so I am taking orders from my passengers. I have six golfing guys who are an absolute riot but don't understand that I don't have time to chat with them right at the moment. All I need to know is your main course option and your salad dressing. We'll work everything else out in the air.
Well I get to 2F and he tells me he has a question. I take a seat next to him and ask what his question about the menu is.
"Glenlivet"
I stare blankly. "Sir, that is not a question."
"Glenlivet"
"Are you asking me if we have Glenlivet on board?"
"Yes"
"We do have it but it can't be served until we are in air, I will be asking what you want to drink when I begin the service."
"Is is 12 or 18 year"
"Sir I don't know, as soon as we are in the air, I will bring you the bottle."
"I want it with my mushroom soup"
"Sir, what meal would you like...."

While presenting the warm nuts, I bring the mini of scotch and asks if this is what he would like to drink. He examines the bottle and says yes. I ask if he would like it neat or on the rocks. He says without ice and I go to remove the bottle in order to pour it and present it back. He snatches the bottle, so I just brought him a glass.
The appetizers are presented and I have to describe each of them twice. He decides on the empanadia and soup. He is also three pieces of bread in by now. I am clearing dishes away to prepare for the salad course and he yells that he is not done with his soup because there is a sip left. It takes me a bit to figure out when he is finished with things, he puts them in the middle of his and the empty seat next to him. When I see he is finished with his scotch, I ask if he would like another one or perhaps a glass of wine. He asks what reds I have. I go through the list and tells me the "second one" and as I pour the Chote de Rhone he mumbles something about a wine tour in 1976. I nod and pour faster. When I go to refill it later he tells me that it is full bodied. Okay, wine expert.
Cheese was along the same line of him thinking I said Gouda instead of goat. And then he wanted to look at the port. I presented him the bottle and he begins telling me what kind of port Delta serves. Do you want some or not?
The ice cream cart is presented and by this time I have served everyone else in the cabin first and just come back to him. I explain what toppings we have. "No raspberries?" Did I say raspberries, um no!
He stay up the whole flight and held onto his linen for a good four hours. During breakfast service he looked perplexed but we got through it pretty quickly.
As I was giving back jackets and saying my goodbyes I told him to have a good day. He asks me where I live in Scotland. Sir I am from Oregon not Scotland.
The customers are disembarking and I am at the "bye-bye position". I am asked to come up front because the guy (who has been dubbed my boyfriend by the other idiot crew members) wants to talk to me. He starts mumbling and here is what I catch.
"Walla Walla, Pendelton, fur traders, Arkansas, shooting someone", and then he point to his nose and says something about a mustache and laughs hysterically.
I smile politely and after he exits, I ask everyone standing around me if they understood any of that. He also asked Paul from Houston if he was from Massachusetts and Ivan from Russia if he was Swedish.
I bet this loony bin is a multi-millionaire. But money doesn't buy sanity.