february alterations

Maybe Carol is right, maybe it is the time of year when I start to worry I am not doing enough with my life. She believes it has something to do with my looming birthday. I think it has something to do with the winter blahs. Thus why I always take my holidays around this time. Sunshine does well with my soul and helps tied me over until spring.

In retrospect, I do tend to make those big, life-altering decisions this time of year. I used to attribute it to coming home from a big holiday. It started in my mind when I was 25 right after my first international trip. I didn’t mess around for the first one; it was big and way far away. I spent two weeks in Australia with Turiya, Dennis, and my beau Matt. It was a great trip and it opened my eyes to the world outside of Klamath Falls. I came home and within three months I packed up my life and blindly moved to Portland. I had been to Portland once for a Garth Brooks concert in another lifetime. I had a job and a place to stay for a month and that was all I needed to leave my hometown.

I made a promise to myself to go somewhere new internationally every year from then on. I even opened a savings account to put money away for the next journey.

The following year around the savings account was a little low, I am sure this had something to do with the fact I was supporting my boyfriend. He thought his job was to sit around all day playing PS2 and drinking beer. I met up with Dennis and Turiya once more as they were living in Whistler. There was sunshine up there on those beautiful mountains and I did get my passport stamped as a courtesy so I count it as somewhere international. I came home and within a month I was single ending a four-year relationship.

Next year with newfound freedom and a raise in salary, I made it to Europe for the first time. Once again I met Dennis and Turiya, are you seeing a pattern here? Two weeks we road tripped around Italy and France. It was good fun other than the fact that they were on the cliff of break up and I got to me the person they felt comfortable enough to fight in front of. I came home and was very unhappy with my work life. I also came down with some infliction which lasted no less than two solid months, two rounds of anti-botics, a chest x-ray, and CAT scan. I was in a horrible funk and decided I needed to move to San Diego. I had many phone interviews and called in sick to fly down for a final interview. I missed the plane and by the time I arrived the president of the company already didn’t like me so, no job. I did try to make a life change with no avail. Within two months I met my Pearl friends and found my home.

A new home purchased and still money in the bank. It is easy to say I was in the mortgage business when times were good. This year I took my friend Emily and we met Turiya and two other ladies in Thailand. A great girls holiday for sure. As I was on the second of the three planes back to Portland I started conversing with the flight attendant. He told me I should become a flight attendant since I couldn’t afford to travel as much as I would truly like. I took this under consideration and within two weeks started interviewing with Horizon Airlines. It seemed to snow ball after that and within three months I had quit my job and was in training in Houston, Texas.

Sad to say I didn’t leave the continental US other than the Bahamas for the first seven months of flying until my vacation days arrived in February. I planned a trip with a friend and she was unable to go so I boldly did it on my own. I went to Costa Rica and discovered not only the love of surfing, zip lining, and exploring but also myself. I found out how great it was to do what I wanted, and not to be pressured into drinking if I didn’t want or to take a nap any damn time I pleased. This enlightenment in itself was my big life change.

In June right after my dad’s passing the world finally opened up for me. I was finally an international flight attendant. The destinations and experiences happened over and over again much to my delight. I continued to nurture my boldness of exploring on my own. I even took off to Prague for a long weekend because my roommate was bugging the shit out of me.

I still planned my pilgrimage in February and met…you guessed it, Turiya in Bali. I went there with the intention of spirituality; she came with the intention of getting hammered. We met somewhere in the middle. I followed in the footsteps of Liz Gilbert and found a peace from the horrible month I lived through prior. When I came home the life change was already in place. I decided to stay in New York and not let it make me weak. I stayed and fought already and the holiday was just my reward.

And here I am this year. It is February 6th, 2009. I have already gone to Panama, the only life decision I made there was to never go back and thank god for my intelligence. Hawaii with Carol lies before me Monday and then Dubai with...Turiya. Tomorrow morning is also staring me in the face. I know there will be a decision or two or three which will demand attention soon.
Can I figure them out or will take more years of reflection?

Maybe it is Turiya who is my oracle...