excerps

My first day back at work leaves me sitting airport alert. It is the perfect ease in to the flow that I so desperately need to get back into. My journey back was that of chaos as the flight I wanted to take home was full so I had to take another carrier and wound up at a different ariport. It wasn' that big of a deal but the trip that should have taken six hours took twelve and contained no sleep. The only way I could get home was to take a jumpseat and sleeping is not allowed. So, with the help of coffee and conversation I stayed up through a red-eye. I have never been so happy to see my base airport as the bus with rattling windows and lack of proper shocks pulled up after an hour drive. I slept majority of the day with the girl, who was very understanding of my absense and laid beside me.

Fifteen days in Oregon, they all seem like a blur. The day my father passed with full of things to get done, paperwork and thank you wise. We followed our list around town and I existed on coffee. We stopped and got our hair down as we were heading out to dinner with some neighbors and Janene, who graciously dropped everything to come and get me. I was just going to get a blow-out when I asked the stylist what he would do with my hair. After years of the same hairstyle, I let him cut it and it felt great to have the change. We actually found a real restaurnat in ol' Roseburg and headed out knowing we were going to drink our sorrows away. It got off to a slow start as we were not helped right away but in the matter of an hour we had the owner at our table and were on our second bottle of champange. We toasted to the long life of Ray and enjoyed our evening. Three bottles of champange, apps, and dessert made four ladies extremely giggly. We got home and decided it would be a great idea to dye my hair. You can call me red now!

Back to Portland in a haze, we pulled out of the drive way and I told Janene to stop the car. The orange juice that I just jugged didn't agree with me and up came mimosa puke. Thank goodness for the staple of hangover food McDonalds. The rest of the day was spent not being able to complete a sentence or carry a thought for more than a moment. The perfect person to be incoherant with was Didi and we spent happy hour over margaritas just chatting away.

The great thing about having guy friends is how they can wrap you in their arms and make you feel so secure. I am fortunate to have many guy friends and I lingered in each of their arms.

A bbq was thrown in my honor and it was great to have everyone attend and see the overwhelming love and support I have in my life. Plus whenever my friends get together we spend the whole time laughing and telling embarrassing stories.

Saturday, reality started to settle in. I sat on the couch all day beside heading down to Manzana for my favorite soup and four Bud Lites. I watched a movie and ignored every phone call while just stareing at the walls.. A good friend came over and just held me and allowed me to have the break down that I knew was coming but had been put off until I could be in someones arms.

Father's Day...calls were a plenty. I spent the day de-personalizing my loft as I am about to rent it. Each picture frame held a happy memory and every picture on my fridge was taken down with pause on remembering the moment. Graciously Janene offered up her father for the day and I spent my last night having dinner with her family.

I know that I am going to be okay. I am strong. I am the daughter of a strict but fair father. I am the center of a circle of friends who hold me up when I am unable to stand. I am best friends with my mom. I am loved.